Words from an Insomniac still trying to find her way

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Silence is the best Therapy ~2003

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Sad Simplicity in the Silver Lining

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This is how I say I love you

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Where do I begin…

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You can’t get rid of this Chicana

I am one,
never shaken
always stirred
into the view
most commonly blurred.
You will see
in my readiness
in all my glow,
I am one
just like it should be
for those who don’t know.
I am willing
to set aside your confusion
because I am easy to read
less likely to speak
when the written word
does enough for me.
I am still one
when the dawn is anew
and you are outside
the comfort of your shoes.
I am still on top
of those who fear to change
of those who quiver
at the sound of my name.
I am one
one who has won
when you thought
you’d break my spirit
and take away my song
you were wrong
like you always are
where I am concerned.

The makings of a good exit plan

Whine and Drool, I’m used to

When I look back

I will develop no excuses

I will not think twice

Will you ever understand?

You cry and feel guilty

then return to your normal routine

Will you ever learn?

 

I was so upset

and all I thought

All I imagined came crashing down on me

and you ignored everything

How about that?

I passed up Heaven

the day that I met you

and you never felt a thing

Just let me think

 

How do you justify,

how do you do anything

but make mistakes

and then some

When I think of everything

I think I’ll die eventually

and then it will all be over

Give or take, sooner or later

Just give it a few days in my old age

 

I’ve never felt better

then by letting it all go

Just a little time to say goodbye

as I walk away for good

I can get along without

I’ve done it before long ago

Just stop your whining- Please!

 

~

 

Whine and Drool… Part II

Good timing

As I change the scenery

(blah blah blah) and I forget what he said

Mistaken or taken for granted

And these tales (I can laugh now)

Misguided or blinded

I’m still making progress

 

I look around the corner

I realize that without anything

I’d still be better off as me

It’s a good thing really

 

In the back of my mind I still hear

His useless jokes (blah blah blah)

No common sense

From his sly smile

 

He was useless

With his witty bull

I’ll just sit here and pretend

That these gray clouds will cover

All his shit

 

Dark was the day before I left

Without a trace, just split

I still hear him whining

So many whiners, no time to whine.

 

July 2003

This Small World is Suffocating

This anxiety will get the best of me.

I am only 36. 

Can you believe this shit? 

Pardon the language but my hands are in control 

and my mind is telling them which way to go, 

Shakily.

 

I sit in this public library 

surrounded by strangers who just wanted to get away. 

From work

         from life

                from death

                        from themselves. 

Wait a minute, this sounds like myself. 

 

Today I would run if my legs permitted me. 

Cut up the credit cards

give away those stuffy work clothes 

sell almost everything 

pack a small bag and close the door. 

I already have a willing spouse. 

 

I don’t sleep

           hardly eat

                   hardly even remember to breathe. 

I don’t call this living, would you? 

What if we drove off into anywhere,

nothing holding us back? 

 

We are childless (by choice)

            Burden-less

                       reckless in a good way

                                  Isn’t this a great resume?

 

I read 3 to 4 books a week 

just to keep my mind awake, 

away from the anxiety I feel

when the lights go out. 

This isn’t healthy and it’s starting to show.

I’m sure it would go away once we were away.

And my 3 to 4 would become 1 to 2.

 

It’s hard to breathe, I do nothing but think,

What if one day all I did was dream?

Write it all down, let it all out

To dream is to try where we think the most.

 

kushtrimthaqi

Just another human being who's trying to reach new levels of consciousness.

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