Words from an Insomniac still trying to find her way

Today involves the real me

We live…and for what?

Remind me of the reason again… whisper in my ear 

the sweet meaning of life as everyone should know it.

Does it involve tears?

Does it involve nights of worry and fear?

Does it involve endless requests, prayers,

endless cries of mercy for those we love?

Does it involve an ending we never wanted,

a beginning that starts the same way?

We live and for what?

What does it get us in the end?

We all say goodbye with tears in our eyes

with pain in our hearts.

We begin life surrounded by others, 

hopeful and filled with spirit.

We end life surrounded by others,

wounded and left alone.

We end up alone, even though we aren’t taught

to believe this.

But no one sits with us inside our suffocating coffin,

or inside our darkened urn.

We live… to love, to breed, to succeed,

why these things?

we create to continue the sorrowful process

of abandonment, of loneliness.

Because yes, we abandon those we love the most

and we leave them lonely and as empty as we become.

Why these things?

We find the better job that keeps us away

that forces our heart to work more than needed.

We live for the better paycheck,

but our paycheck never makes up for our blood and sweat.

We want more for those that have come after us

things we could only imagine of owning,

things that in time will keep us far away,

things that will never see the light of day,

will keep our minds in chains.

And all for what?

So they can hate us for giving them too much, not enough?

So that they can take advantage and want more, or worse

not appreciate anything at all?

We live…for what!?!

I’m waiting for an answer, for a reason

more dignified than my own.

For something that makes more sense than

the walls of the world surrounding me.

Because you see, I want to believe,

I want what I dream, what I feel in the deep

in the farthest reaches of my soul.

But it is a struggle every day.

that even through my darkest hours

and all my claustrophobic days,

I still read the definition of hope of faith

and still I don’t forget to pray.

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